Es ist nicht alles Gold was glänzt and Nobody promised us Paradise on Earth.
Idioms that don’t translate well for my step-kids and the two reasons why parenting step-kids is different (and harder) than your own
The German way of saying “All that glitters is not gold”. I grew up with that saying. It was told to me over and over again, in addition to “Niemand hat uns das Paradies auf Erden versprochen. Eva hat das damals kaputtgemacht.” (Nobody promised us paradise on earth. Eve ruined that, back then.) The latter statement I – incidentally – repeated to my step-daughter just tonight. It’s funny how we become our parents’ voices when we become parents ourselves. Well, it’s either that or, if we don’t agree with how our parents raised us, we make sure that we state or behave the EXACT OPPOSITE way from our parents.
But parenting your own children and parenting your step-children are two different bus stops. For two main reasons, really.
- No two children are the same, and parents need to therefore tweak their approach depending on the child. Some children are thicker-skinned than others, some are audio-visual learners, some need more encouragement, or – conversely – more punishment… the list of differences and how parents can handle them goes on and on. But we all know that by now. The Internet is full of information that parents these days can rely on to help them be the best parents they can be to their children. Disclaimer: I’m referencing actual, scientific websites here, btw. Psychology Today, for instance, is my go-to.
- But here’s what makes the one crucial difference between parenting your bio-children and your step-children: You will occasionally mess up! Every parent does. When my first two kids were little, I used to go to bed many nights, thanking God and the universe that I’d get another chance the next day at this parenting thing. But when you mess up with your step-children, you may not get another, fresh chance the next morning. Unlike your bio-kids, these children do not automatically love you just because you’re their mother. Actually, and here’s the bad news: The older they are when you enter their lives, the less likely they will even “like” you, let alone love you.
So, while I can easily make these sort of remarks to my own children, I am usually met with anger, defiance, or sometimes even just sadness, when I use them on James’ kids. This is partially due to it being translated out of a more complicated language that just uses a ton of idioms on an everyday basis and I often lose people along the way of the translation. Adults and children alike, because idioms often don’t make sense unless you speak that language.
But let’s face it, sometimes, it’s my sarcastic undertone that just doesn’t sit well with them. I have to be sooooo much more careful in how I say anything to them, because their father isn’t sarcastic and their mother, from what I understand, wasn’t always present to have any lengthy conversations with them when they were little. My older daughter will tell you that she learned one language from her father, which was English, but three from her mother – German, French, and Sarcasm. So, in addition to not speaking either language that I translate my idioms from, they also don’t speak my sarcasm. Thus, I have to apologize a lot more to the steps than the bios. Currently, my step-daughter is mad because I didn’t wash something she wanted for tomorrow and wouldn’t allow her to wear it dirty. Her concern that she was supposed to bring it back to her mother’s house was met with my sarcastic remark about how “this isn’t some sort of laundry-washing paradise and nobody promised us paradise on earth.” Go figure. I should really have been carrying my “Don’t make me use my German Voice”-mug at the time.
By the way, the “parenting your own children and parenting your step-children are two different bus stops” phrase above is a translation from the Italian idiom. In German, we would say that they are “two pairs of shoes”. I admit that I do not know the English idiom and was too lazy to google it now. If you want to leave the English version in the comments, please do not hesitate 🙂
Ashley@Shakenstirredandblended
Hi, I'm Ashley and I am a freelance writer and editor for one local and one national publication. In my spare time, I teach foreign languages and manage two households. Oh, and raise four children. It's a crazy life that I chose and I love every second of it :o)
